Sunday, January 12, 2020

How to Be Who You Want to Be

You're excited. It's a new year and you're ready to become someone you want to be. But, how do you even do that? How do you become your ideal self? Where do you even start? Well, you've come to the right place on how to do just that in this post How to Be Who You Want to Be.

I just want to start off by saying that despite what a big task this seems to be, it's relatively easy to become who you want to be. A lot of it is mental. It just takes a lot of mind reframing and a lot of self-discipline. Anyone can be who they want to be. You're not stuck being someone you're unhappy with. I'm so proud of you for making this decision to be your best self and I believe in you.

1. Visualize what kind of person you want to be.

This is my favorite part of all of the steps on how to be who you want to be. It's fun and you just get so much energy from visualizing the ideal you. It also acts as a framework of what you're going to work towards.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you're visualizing:

  • What kind of traits do you have? 
  • What kind of clothes are you wearing? 
  • How do you treat people? 
  • What kind of vibe do you want to give? 
  • What kind of habits do you want to have? 
  • What do you want to do in your spare time? 

This is just to get you started. If you start visualizing outside of these questions, good! You're getting more of a picture of what kind of person you want to be.

As you're visualizing, write whatever is in your head down. This helps you articulate what you want instead of it just being in your head and make it feel more real.

If you want a visual of what's in your head, make a vision board. Whether it be physical or digital, put it somewhere you see it all the time. For example, if it's digital, put it as the desktop of your computer. If it's physical, hang it in your room somewhere.

Please note that your personality is not one-dimensional. People have different sides to them. You're not going to act the same at work and at a party. So, don't think you have to be one type of person. Feel free to imagine visualize yourself as a worker, as a friend, as a family member, as a lover, as a person who doesn't know anyone at a party, etc.

2. Reframe your mind and start believing in yourself.

Remember how I told you that most of this process is mental? I wasn't lying. This is foundational to your journey. A huge obstacle you may face is that you probably just don't believe in yourself. That's why you're going to reframe your mind because if you're telling yourself, "I can't do this, I can't do this," would it really be surprising that you stop taking those steps to become and act the person you want to be?

So, let's get your head in the right mindset!

a. Logic-Compassion Reframe (LCR)

Of course, I'm going to reference the Logic-Compassion Reframe. If you read any of my other posts, I reference this all the time. And, there's a good reason for it: it works! For a thorough explanation, take a look at my 5 Tips to Deal With Insecurity in a Relationship post. But, I'll still summarize what it is.

The basic concept of this you take a negative thought and you basically combat it with evidence and compassion. For example, you're at a party and you speak to someone and you get fixated at one thing that you said. (All y'all with social anxiety know what I'm talking about).

So, your thought would be, "Oh my goodness, that person thinks I'm weird." You think of what evidence do you have to support this statement. You may or may not have evidence of this. An example to support this might be the person saying directly, "You're weird."

After the logic, you use compassion. For example, "For what I did and what I know, I did a decent job." Based upon that, you'll come up with a counter thought and do the same thing. You keep doing that until you come up with a final conclusion. To see an example of this, check out my post 10 Little Life Reminders.

You'll find that a lot of your negative thoughts have no basis of evidence and just stem from anxiety, fear, jealousy, etc.

b. Watch your inner dialogue and what you say.

There's a lot of power in your words. If you say something negative about yourself, you're limiting and disempowering yourself. For example, if you say, "I can't do it." You've self-imposed this limitation. You told the world and yourself that you can't do it, so, you won't even bother trying.

But, if we're being real here, it's not that you can't do it. It's that you don't have the desire to learn how to do that certain task at hand. And, that's okay as long as you're honest about it because if you default to, "I can't do it," you're being dishonest and disempowering yourself.

You can even put a more positive spin to that saying, "I can't do it yet." This implies that you know you have the ability to do it, but at this moment, you don't have the skills or abilities to do it right at this moment."

If you're more positive in your language with yourself, you'll feel more motivated since your perspective on life is that you can do anything if you work towards it.

Your words affect your perception. Your perception affects what you think. What you think about affects your actions. Your actions affect your life.

3. Convince yourself to do it even if you're scared.

Another mental block is fear. This fear could stem from the fear of judgment, fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of losing your friends, etc.

As for me, my fear when I decided to change was what would people think of me. Would they think I'm being inauthentic to myself? I mean, they expected to be this person that I presented myself before. How would they receive this person that I consciously chose to be? Would they not like me? And, to be honest, I just wanted to change in peace. I was scared that people would point out the differences between the new and old me.

This fear held me back a lot and I could feel it. It wasn't until I got so tired of feeling like I was being disingenuous to myself because staying stagnant as the person I was when I really just wanted a better version of myself. I also felt suffocated by my own fear that I finally decided to just say, "Fuck it."

When I finally decided to act like the person that I wanted to become, I realized that no one actually cared or noticed, really. It was a relief that I didn't get any extra attention from it and that I could be who I wanted to be in peace. It wasn't as scary to change as I thought it would be.

You see, that's the thing until you actually do something, you'll realize the anxiety that you've built up isn't as grand as you made it up to be. You'll feel so much more relief when you make that change because it won't be in the back of your mind that you need to change because you're already in that state. And, you can move into the next phase of your life.

4. Act like the person you want to become.

Once you've done at least the visualizing and making the decision to do it, start thinking about what your ideal self would do then just do it. The visualization of your ideal self doesn't mean anything if you don't take action to change.

So, if your ideal self goes to the gym a couple times of the week, go to the gym a couple times of the week. If your ideal self works on their business after work, then spend some time after work on your business.

If you're not the person you want to be and are unhappy about it, the reality is you're going to have to do one of two things: (1) change your mindset and learn to be happy with the person you are or (2) do things that would make you your ideal person if you want to be at peace with who you are.

5. Invest in yourself.

Investing in yourself could be a means to jumpstart the person that you want to become and maintain the person you want to become. This could mean you're taking classes, investing in new clothes, reading books, investing in a life coach, getting a new gym membership, etc.

A lot of people tend to put this on the back burner because of money or they tend to put others before themselves. Give yourself permission to spend some money for your future.

If you've found this helpful, please share it with your friends and family on Pinterest, Twitter, and/or Facebook! If you liked this, you may like 7 Things to Do to Boost Your Confidence.

How to be the person you want to be in life and how to become who you want to be

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