Sunday, June 30, 2019

How to Care Less About What People Think

How to stop caring what people think and/or how to care less about what people think for the self conscious

Caring about what people think of you is a completely valid, normal feeling. It can lead to anxiety and fear, which, again, is completely normal. There's no shame in feeling like this or be concerned that there's something wrong with you despite the fact that's probably how you feel.

It's biologically ingrained in us to want to be with people. Humans are social creatures. We have lived in communities since the beginning of humanity so we can survive. In other words, we need other people to survive. So, it makes sense you don't want people to think you're weird because you literally feel like you're going to be ostracized by society!

I'm here to tell you that your biological instinct may be a little overdramatic. The downfall of pretending to be who you think you should be will lead you to a road of inauthenticity and will leave you feeling anxious and like you're being suffocated. On the other hand, if you finally decide to say, "Fuck it! I'm going to be myself!" or "I'm just going to do it!", you will feel free and realize that people actually like you for you and not someone that you're pretending to be. 

But, how do you get over that anxiety of being yourself or get started on doing what you think is right for you? Let me just start off by saying that I don't personally believe that you will ever really completely stop caring about what people think. But, I do think you can care a lot less than you do now. So, without further ado, here are my tips for How to Care Less About What People Think of You.

1.) Love yourself.

First and foremost, you need to love yourself. This is the foundation of it all. No exceptions.

When you learn more about yourself, like any person, you'll develop a deep appreciation for yourself. You'll learn your strengths and love them. You'll learn your weaknesses and love them, too. If you work hard on becoming the person that you want, you'll look back and become proud of the journey and of the person you are today and back then. Once you get into the process of getting to know and love yourself, you'll develop a perception of who you are. Because you're gaining insight from within and it's coming from a place of love, this perception of who you are is unwavering and grounding. Even with negativity coming from others, this is a perception that other people won't be able to take away from you.

On the other hand, if you don't love yourself and have no idea who you are, you're going to rely on people's opinions too much. If someone tells you that you're such a kind and sweet person, you'll start becoming kind and sweet because they told you that's who you are. You also rely on nice comments like that for your self-esteem, which is a lot more unstable than if you were to get that from within because if someone were to say to you, "You're mean!", you'll start questioning your whole entire existence.

If you don't know how to love yourself yet, read How to Fall in Love With Yourself to get started!

2.) Trust yourself.

With love, there's trust. Once you love yourself, you'll begin to trust yourself and your own gut. If you have a decision to make, you'll put a lot more weight in what you think is right instead of other people's opinions.

Think about something that you're truly confident about. Maybe it's about dancing or your work or makeup. I don't know, just something that you're really good at. And, when you express that you're gonna do something that you believe is right and someone doubts you, you're gonna be like, "Fuck that! I know this is what I want to do because I know this is right for me and if I made a mistake, then that's that."

That is literally an example of trusting yourself. Believe it or not, you already know what's best for you. You just don't know it consciously. You know how you ask people for advice? Most of the time you're just looking for someone to validate your thoughts so you won't feel like you're making a mistake when you're following through with a decision.

So, try this little exercise. I'm gonna get you to start trusting yourself a little bit more. If you find yourself wearing something that is a little more adventurous for you, just wear it because you think it looks cute. Don't ask people for their opinions. If they offer it, then accept the compliment and say thank you. But, don't start seeking and/or fishing for compliments.

If fashion is your forte and you know you look good, try this with something you're less confident about where you might question yourself.

3.) People's perceptions of you are just that - perceptions.

 Perceptions are not facts. The perceptions we have we think to be true because we perceive things a certain way. For example, if you caught someone on a bad day and they were rude to you, you're going to think they're really rude. But, they're probably usually really nice but they're beloved pet chewed up their homework or something and you just happen to catch them on that day.

The same goes when someone meets you, you may or may not have insulted them indirectly. But, it doesn't mean that their perceptions of you are true. Or, maybe you're doing something really good for the community and that person thinks you're fake because they don't really believe that someone can genuinely be doing something nice without wanting something in return. I don't know. I'm not in their heads. But, whatever the perception is, it's safe to say that perceptions don't always tell the whole story.

Most, if not all, of the time, people's perceptions/opinions about you reflect them more than it reflects you.

4.) Remember that your opinions about yourself are way more important than other people's opinions about you.

How you see yourself is how you think other people see you. Por ejemplo, if you think you're ugly, you will think that other people think that you're ugly, too, when that most likely won't be the case.

You project the way you see yourself in your thoughts, the way you hear what people are saying to you (like the example above), the way you speak to other people, and the way you carry yourself. If you think low of yourself, your thoughts about yourself will be negative and will shape your behavior. If someone is speaking about something general or expressing a thought about you or something like, "I just think it's annoying when you do that," and you'll blow it out of proportion and say, "Oh you think I'm annoying now and you don't like me." When in reality that is not what they were expressing at all.

When you speak to people, it'll manifest in different ways. It can be self- deprecating jokes or knocking yourself down in a situation where it is not necessary. Since you feel so negatively about yourself, your whole body will cower inwards so you don't take up so much space, which shows insecurity or sadness, instead of expanding yourself to take as much room as possible, which is what a more confident people person will do.

So, what I'm trying to say is use more of your time and energy in changing your thoughts about yourself instead of expending it on other people's perceptions and opinions about you. It all starts with love, patience, and self-awareness on what's holding you back.

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How to stop caring what people think and/or how to care less about what people think for the self conscious

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